Grand Rising everyone! I hope everyone is staying healthy during this time. I will say that staying home and having to sit with yourself is a lot at times. But, if you look at it from a point of fixing the things you put on the back burn, it’s a good thing. You get to take away the outside noise and look within. Now I know not everyone can do this, but if you have the changes to do this, use it. For me sitting with myself, I learned so much. One, that healing comes in stages. That you can’t wake up, cry and think, “Ok, I’m healed!” Doesn’t work that way. Even if we so want it to be that easy. Once your ego gets pass the point of wanting to have that instant gratification, you left with the things that really need your attention.
The outer layers could be small things, like cleaning the house, decluttering, giving away old items, reading that book you’ve put to the side for so long, spending time with the kids, spending time your spouse, binge watching Netflix, finally setting goals, and the list can go on. Yes this is a great way for self- care. But then, you get this nudge, some ignore it. And for some you explore it. You have this feeling that you want more out of life. Or you start to reflect on choices you’ve made and why things, may not be going your way. Then that triggers something else within that you’ve suppressed for years. It maybe scary and unwanted, but it will always make it’s way back up to be dealt with.
Here’s where the journey of healing really gets deep. In my case, I never knew how much baggage I had or how cracked the foundation was in my life. It scared the living shit out of me. I was so use to wearing my rose colored glasses that seeing the truth hurt. It sting like a bee! Then, I had to really look at what I really missed, but also what needed healing. I had to look at what did I have to let go of. Once that start it was layer by layer of unlocking things and emotions I didn’t even think I suppressed. I learned that my inner child was crying out to me. That she was hurt from a lot of trauma, abandonment, not feeling worthy, being alone, not being able to be herself, having to live by someone else rules and pain, not understanding emotions, and what self-care was. My inner child wasn’t nurtured the way she needed or desired. This showed in the choices I made as I got older. Sitting with this was a hard pill to swallow. But I also saw that, it I want to grow and be at peace I have to face it. That facing was my worst fear, but was the fear that was holding me back. To gain my power back, I had to sit in this truth.
The ways, I started to work on this, was writing, meditating, purging( letting out of the things I don’t need), giving my inner child space to trust me, but also herself, learning about emotions, working with crystals, and listening to my heart space. For so long emotions were something you hide, being sensitive was a bad thing in my household. I had to let go of that belief. I had to understand my truth. I’m a sensitive person and I accept that, because it’s my truth. I’m a unique person, but I love that about myself. I’m a positive person. I have a light to be that was so dim for others, because I wasn’t comfortable shining my light. I see that my light should have never been dimmed for anyone, because they were hurting and didn’t want to see my light. We have to walk our own path at times, that not everyone is going to like or understand. Someone in your life will understand and support you to the fullest.
I hope that this shows people who are scared to heal that it’s ok, you can walk the path. Be compassionate with yourself, be patience, and just go with the flow.
Thank you for giving me the space to express myself. Xoxo